The Machine: Into the Kreischer Cinematic Universe

Bert has done a lot of things. From bear wrestling to podcasts with Joe Rogan, Kreischer (who appeared at the 2023 X Games) stars in his own fictional sequel to his famous comedy special “The Machine.”

The title sequence opens with a halfway sanitized version of his original bit, cementing that the target audience is the same as for his stand-up. In this Netflix Original, Bert tries to use therapy to root out his daddy issues in a Michael De Santa moment.



The immediate shark-jumping might not be as endearing for those who aren’t familiar with the source material.

For what it’s worth, Kreischer is an actor in his own right. He throws his teenage daughter Sasha (Jess Gabor) a Dr. Pimple Popper inspired birthday party only to be accosted by a woman named Irina Volgina (Iva Babic) in search of a stolen watch, Bert and his father (Mark Hamill) are whisked to a private hangar where a jet takes them to Russia. Burt slaps a Russian on the plane and is, in turn, hit so hard he has a dream of his father cutting off his testicles.

The group sets out in search of Igor, the anti-hero gangster from the original stand-up sketch. Irina whacks the group of Banditti and a shootout occurs. While trapped in the elevator Bert shoots the leader with a revolver and sets off a domino effect. As Bert puts it later, “Three dudes, three bullets.”



Bert wakes up in the woods and eats a 20-year-old pot brownie stored on Igor’s wall. He talks to a younger version of himself (Jimmy Tatro) but is disrupted by Igor (Nikola Djuricko) firing into the woods with a shotgun. Igor recognizes Bert and the pair drive to his village where he tends to Irina’s wounds. Igor returns the watch.

Bert gives a speech to his drugged-up father, who stabs the Draco Malfoy lookalike before the group escapes in another gunfight. Bert and his father settle their differences while taking cover under a table. Bert saves the day by taking off his shirt and drinking a beer before besting the mobsters in Tony Montana style combat to White Zombie's "More Human Than Human." The final boss then stabs himself and removes his own shirt before battling Bert in hand-to-hand combat.



The fighting is interrupted by Irina and Alexi's father, who grants Alexei control of the family due to his cold-hearted reputation. Irina then shoots him, and Alexei surrenders.

It was all in all not a bad movie if you're familiar with the lore. Though the beginning is slow, choppy, and somewhat self-congradulatory, the artistic choices play out in the action moments.